EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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