The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
