She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
