The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
