I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
i need to put some appletini on your dick
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize