Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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