What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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