DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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