she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
