she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
