He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
