I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
