The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
