She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
