I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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