wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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