I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
