wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
