I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
