He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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