Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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