It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
