the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Randomize
