i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
