What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
