I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
