chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
