I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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