Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize