Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
