No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
