fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
