my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
