He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
