My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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