I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
