So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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