She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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