well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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