So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
