You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
