dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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