Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
im holly from the hills drunk
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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