He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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