careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
