come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
