Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
