Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
