She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
