ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
youre lurking in front of me
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
we should paint friendship bongs
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