We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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