he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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