OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
