mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
