my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
