i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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