Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
