I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
