Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
