fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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