dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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