My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
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