it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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