The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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