Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
