I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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