Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
