Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Randomize
