he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
