What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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